Confessions & Whatnot

I've been going through a sort of bloggers-block lately. I don't have any poignant thoughts to share but I do not want to lose my audience, so I'm hoping this post will placate you until I ponder something a little more enriching 


Remember when the "25 Random Things About Me" was circulating on Facebook in 2009? Well, I revisited my old list and noticed  this and that has changed some. So in typical narcissistic fashion, I decided an update was in order.

I like this picture.

1. I struggle with the classic dichotomy of appetite vs. vanity. My sister, Sarah, suggested I call the disorder "Burgers & Bicycles" or "Donuts & Diet Coke."  She is an excellent writer and I wish she'd start a blog. Truth is, I'm just a self-loathing glutton with a gym membership.
   
   
2. I pronounce the word "bag," like "beg", and "lackadaisical," like " laxidasical" and "topography," like "top-oh-graffy." Sometimes I just make up my own words...I don't like people bringing this to my attention, it makes me feel bad about myself.
   
   
3. I continue to maintain a big bag (not beg) of candy stashed in my closet. I also keep a refrigerator in my closet.
   
   
4. I wear fake tanner. It's part of my ever growing makeup/preserve my youth routine--spray face and decollete, blow dry, moisturize. I plan to introduce formaldehyde to my skin care repertoire soon. Staying young is all about balance.
   
   
5. I take humongous bites of food as if someone's going to steal my food and then I swallow really fast, sometimes it gets stuck in my chest and I get the hiccups.
   
   
6. I had my eyebrows tattooed on.
   
   
7. My husband and I are complete and total opposites, we have hardly anything in common.  And such is the case with most of my very best friends.
   
   
8. I believe in one God, He has lots of names but I believe in the one who created the universe and calls His human-form Jesus.
   
   
9. I hate unloading the dishwasher. It is the most unrewarding chore.
   
   
10. I have recently developed an allergy to avocados. They make my mouth itch.
    
    
11. I love having time alone. I need it to re-energize and sort out my thoughts. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have sister-wives.
    
    
12. I think I have A.D.D. I get distracted really easy and have a hard time finishing my
    
    
13. I used to take people's blood for a living. Before that, I made pizzas. And before that, I made cheeseburgers. But before that, I delivered newspapers. I've had a 'real' job since I was 12, except when I was in college.
    
    
14. I went to college for three years and got my degree in nothing.
    
    
15. I am no longer taking piano lessons. I have the fingers of 10 thumbs and I am inept. I have paid lots of money to come to this realization.
    
    
16. Contrary to popular belief, I am super unorganized. (But I get the job done and I do a good job and I hope my being so forthcoming only gains your further respect)
    
    
17. I get grossed out by body functions and orifices and their fluids really, really easy.
    
    
18. I like getting comment-love from others. Reading it makes me giddy like free Starbucks.
    
    
19. I had lasiks surgery when I was 22 and my vision is still 20/20.
    
    
20. I wore hammer-pants my junior year of High school.
    
    
21. I have a crush on Shia Labeouf.  Jeff is cool with it.
    
    
22.  I have attended 15 child-births and counting. I could probably deliver your baby if you asked me to. Anyone?
    
    
23. I have Internet-only friends that I deeply admire. The artistic and  passionate Lauren, and the hilarious and too-smart-for-his-own-good, David, inspire me to be a better writer and pursue my dreams. I met them both online and stalked them until they were forced agreed to be my friends.
    
    
24. I think electronic cigarettes are cool. *Cough* ...and that's all I will say about that.
    
    
25. I like to sing my feelings.