Saturday, March 24, 2012


"Integrity" was the topic of discussion at small group last night. Someone asked the question, would our spouse describe our character the same as our church friends? Well that's a toughy, because I wear multiple hats.  So the deeper question I had to ask myself was, am I willing to allow my entire sphere to see what I look like in all those hats? How transparent am I, really?

I figure, this blog is as good a place as any to start letting a few bones out of my closet.  But first, I had to build up some nerve.  So I scanned the internet for gritty, unedited honesty...along the lines of cluttered bedrooms, botox reveals, and dinner disasters. Except, all I found were people pinning ideas on how to be amazing, or facebooking how fabulous their lives are.

Now, I'm an optimist and I believe everyone is potentially on a journey to greatness. I do. But if I'm gonna put myself out there, I want to be reassured that I'm not totally inferior just because I'm having a slovenly moment or twelve.  I know well and good how things ought to be, but there are days that what I should do or what I'm supposed to feel, seem unattainable. Sometimes, I am just downright underwhelming.  I wouldn't advocate mediocrity but I thought maybe if I started confessing a few of these shortfalls, fellow bloggers might join me in a little over-disclosure? Exhibitionists unite! Anyone? 

Ok, here goes. *Gulp*  

I'll admit, parts of me are pretty awesome, unfortunately, I have a lot of un-awesome pieces that are also part of my reality. I know I'm capable of being better so it helps to remind myself that I am unique, just like everyone else, but there are days my behavior is questionable. Just look at my Laundry room. 

It's like this 90% of the time

I've been known to work in my Pj's all day.  I have seven junk drawers in my house because I don't know why. I've sent my kid to school without lunch on accident a few times. I let myself indulge in greasy, Wendy's Baconaters during isolated moments of delirium.  I have serious issues with domestic organization. In fact, I just cleaned my room and somehow all of this was left over. Now it's sits beside my desk, mocking me.

This is one of the dinners I burned when I'm wasn't paying attention...

Sometimes when I ponder intense things, I'll puff on my e-cigarrette.
Oh calm down, it's nicotine free! 

I'm a middle aged woman vainly clinging on to the youth of my early twenties but I don't always take a good picture, you know. It's much harder these days to get the "right" angle.
M'kay, my face is covered in hives here but I'm making a point

Sometimes this obsession over my insecurities compels me to take nature into my own hands, like burn my face off with acid or plump my lips with Juvaderm.
About 2 hours post injection. (Totally freaking out here, btw)

I also have entitlement issues. God put me at the back of the line when he dispensed the melanin. All I got was the over-spray resulting in kajillion freckles, so I use fake tanner to achieve my sun-kissed look. 
Got a little carried away, ya think?

I even tattooed eyebrows to my face because 1.) Nature forgot to give them to me. 2.) I do not posses the artistic panache to pencil them in without looking like I scrawled the Mcdonald's arches on my forehead.
Looking like I was attacked by a brown sharpie, 30 min post

Ultimately, I'm just a girl who's dreams didn't die with the birth of my children. I've tried to kill them. My dreams, I mean.  But they sneak up on me every time I get around live music, when I read an inspirational book or witty blog.  When I feel tentacles of regret nagging at my conscience, I have to remember it's still in me, something wonderful, waiting to break out. I just do know what "it" is yet. Rest assured, when I find it, I will shamelessly plug it here.

Of course, these aren't all my secrets but if I'm going to spearhead a transparency revolution, I need to start with baby steps. 


Christina said...

Love it. To know you and your dirty laundry room is to truly love you.

SarahBeth82 said...

that was so brave!! Your confessions are so juicy!

Anonymous said...

I think you're perfect with all of your flaws. You're not flawless... And that makes you perfectly awesome. I wish I lived nearer so we could be awesomely flawed together.

David Cho said...

So commenting on Facebook about this blog isn't good enough?

Will there be Part II to this? I mean nobody's list of flaws can be adequately described in one blog.

David Cho said...

So after Parts II and III, I might follow up with a long awaited blog of my own :).

Lisa said...

OH DAVID! I'm so glad you asked:) There are ACTUALLY IV Parts to this Post. I'm still mustering the nerve to pump them out, however, I am so eagerly anticipating your blog revival that you may have just given me the motivation I need to finish!