I'm supposed to be cleaning my room right now. I'm supposed to be doing a lot of things I'm not doing. The past few months have been a lesson in humility. I've fallen short in everything I set out to do. I have also learned communal living isn't for sissies, and I am one FYI. I think I retracted that blog I wrote about cohabiting with people that aren't your family, but in case you didn't read my comments, don't try it unless your single or a college kid. "You can never go back". Wisdom straight from my own 21 year old daughter, life experience for me. Oiy, live-n-learn, I guess. So this wont be a long blog, or it might, just checking in really. Gotta throw my fans a bone...heh, heh.
The short of it is, the economy has officially caught up to the Frey Fam. We tried having a live-in house guest from mid-November until the 3rd week of January and it just got weird, fast. Thank God that's over. But we are still in a pinch these days. We'll be fine in the end, but it's not good out there for Realtors like myself. Last month Clark County had somewhere around 340 total home sales. That may sound like a lot to you but Clark County has over 3,400 listings. If every Realtor had two listings that means, about 1300 of us didn't get paid?! Statistics are actually not as sunny as I paint them, however.
I used to be so good with the family budget. Recently, I've let it go to pot cuz I never know when we'll have money to pay whatever. So this huge pile of envelopes is growing on my desk and its daunting. I'm afraid of it. So I let it sit there and torment me. Times are rough.
But we're changing things around here at the Frey estate. Pinching pennies and such, we'll be OK. Cause that's how the story always ends. Things have a way of working out. Trusting God makes it a little less stressful. Right now I'm just searching for the balance of my responsibility and where I'm supposed to allow Him room to direct our steps.
All this financial hubbub got me wondering what my life would look like if I didn't have to worry about making an income. Why, I could write blogs every day, I could scrap book and have time to convert all my family movies into DVDs. I could set aside time to write music and read and daydream and have lots of recording sessions. I could journal more, pray more, cook more, clean more. I would visit my sisters every day for coffee. I'd go to Africa and meet my sponsor children and stop by Hawaii to hang out with my BFF. I'd do concerts with my music friends and I'd buy lots of clothes and my house would constantly look fabulous and my kids and husband would be happy cause I would be happy, right?!
Meanwhile, I'm breaking out. I've never had acne before and now I'm on every medication, RX and over the counter. I'm determined to beat it. But if I would just drink about 6 more glasses of water a day it would probably clear up. Thing is, I just forget. Like I keep forgetting to pick my daughter up at the bus stop. I was writing this blog when I got a call from school that they brought her back because I wasn't standing outside in sub-zero temperatures waiting for her. Actually, I did go out there but the bus had come and gone and it was about 10 minutes of shivering and frost bite before I figured it out. No, I'm not blaming the bus driver. Even though I can see the bus from my driveway and it wouldn't kill her to pull up 100 feet to let my daughter off. Yeah, she'd rather teach me a lesson on punctuality by inconveniencing herself. Ah pffft. Join the everyone hates Lisa club.
Seriously though, I fear I'm a little discombobulated cuz I'm PMSing. I'm also empty-nesting, with two kids recently moved out of the house. I'm all confused on portion control when making dinner. After 14 years of marriage I'm supposed to be making sure to feed that, too. I'm just so distracted. I'm calling Jared 'Elih' and Jamey 'Jeremy'...I really just wanna got to the neighbors house and hang out. She is like 5 years behind me and her life doesn't look as complicated, even though I know it is. But but she makes me forget. We watch cable and talk about music and stuff.
I'm feeling old, too. I have grown man-child in the Marine corps who could potentially be 4 months away from deploying to some God-forsaken desert to shoot people he doesn't want to kill. He misses home and neither one of us has managed to cut the umbilical cord yet. My 14 year old son has been on a massive growth spurt and is now as tall as me. My 9 yr old isn't far behind him as his once too-tight jeans are now in need of a belt. And Audrey, well if you know her then you know its like living with a mini me. She doesn't quit talking though. And she thinks she's 15. I guilt myself that I don't hang out with our 21 yr old daughter enough. Shes in her Jr yr of college. I'm so proud of her but I'm wondering how she got to be so old?? OMGsh and the possibility of grand kids just HAUNTS me!
So I'm at this crossroads. I have dreams I'm almost too ancient to achieve, and I gotta hurry up or forget about it. But if I gave up on them, I could focus on my job and probably make lots more money! I wonder how my life would look if I put all my energy back into my job?....ugh. I don't think I love selling houses enough. It's a lot of paper trails and phone calls and marketing and long hours away from my family and missing church. Financially, it makes the most sense so it makes me feel selfish that it's the LAST thing on earth I want to do right now. So I do short-sales instead. Have you heard of those? I'm an expert...No really, I am.
I'm frustrated with church too, BTW. NOYB why, I just am. It's a debacle, full of people who've messed it all up. Prayin' that will work itself out too... Lotsa prayin' going on. Maybe that's how God likes it. It's all on him now. I've done enough damage and I'm surrendering. The next few decisions I make are crucial, the life altering kind. I have a big chance to really screw up my future or an opportunity to start a new journey, maybe both. But right now, I just want a nap. Dinner is in the crock pot, help yourself, I gotta go to walmart and buy milk and fruit.
New day tomorrow:-)